Noel, festivities and the ghosts that haunt misers

The holidays are here, and what we know for sure, the festivities are big and enjoyable like weed. A thing closer to sedation. Partying and spiritual elevation. Whichever side you belong to, party-er (is it even correct grammar?) anyways partyer or prayer-er! Oops me again…. You need to venerate some traditions “gifts and spending”. Chocolate, flowers, remuneration back home. We shan’t pick up your calls if you don’t bless your village people with some glad tidings.

For foreign returnees, before you book that ticket (which I believe you have booked already), make sure you have a check-list of things to comply with while on your trip, vacation, holiday, ‘repos’ …. Et cetera;

Dear foreign returnees before you book your tickets, make sure you book your return tickets too, or else we will be ready to buy your iPhone- 15 at the value of iPhone X, 8, or 7, maybe if we are visited by the Holy Spirit we shall buy it at a value of Samsung Note 10. Please book it too. Or else we are ready for you.

A lot of things have changed on the continent so make sure to acquire your visas online,

‘would advise two weeks or maybe three before your trip.’ The online immigration portal in our beloved countries is from similar IT specialists, always down with a lot of delays. Just make sure to have the E-visa idly sitting in your Email a week before your travel or else you will sweat a cold sweat at Amsterdam or Brussels airports.

Do you plan to bring some goodies for your relatives back home? I have to advise you, my friend, to be ready to visit the customs offices at the airport. Remember the saying in the Bible ‘Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar’.... If you’re not well conversant with Bibilia, now is the time to ask pastor Google to translate this Roman metaphor.

I will not dictate what clothes you pack….. Just know it’s been raining cats & dogs in Central and East Africa. That’s all I will say for now.

Havoc is in the air. A lot of people are feeling it. Relationships are on the verge of collapse because abasama are coming back to confuse people’s people (Abantu babantu). Please don’t be cold-hearted like that snow you are running away from. If you bring a phone to that man you have been chatting with on Facebook and Instagram, bring an extra one for your co-girlfriend. A planned perfume for the beautiful lady you have been Face Timing day and night should be accompanied by another gift for your co-boyfriend. You’re not alone my good friend.

In Uganda, we refer to the foreign returnees as ‘Abasama’.

Luga-flow dictionary ‘Omusama’- singular, ‘Abasama’- Plural.

Origin of word; Summer traveller (Omusama)

Dear Abasama, before you torture us with your gigantic slangs and speaking in both nose and tongues, please remember your grandfather in Masaka speaks only Runyakole and a bit of Luganda.

Dear Abasama, you can’t be an activist and a Musama. Choose one. Luzira, Kigo and Kitalya prisons are still hungry for inmates. Leave the politics alone when you are back in your motherland. Once you are out of the Ugandan airspace on your return flight, only then you can adorn yourself with the attire of a freedom fighter.

Dear Abasama, I hear in your cities- there are cars that drive themselves. You can be sleeping while on a road trip to the countryside. I heard this African genius from South Africa manufactures these cars.

Advice from a village wise man: please be careful while driving on our roads. Potholes and traffic officers will teach you a lesson. While driving on our roads, beware of big cars which do not follow traffic rules.

Anyway, what can a village man like me advise people with purses belching on Benj Franklin and Sterling??

We welcome you back home, bring those green notes with you. We dearly need those notes for our forex. The fuel has gone up so has everything. Please don’t over-bargain while purchasing commodities in your home countries.

Give Caesar what belongs to Caesar.